Redemption

we all have a place where we go to ask for forgiveness.. to escape from the world.. to feel alive.. to feel freedom and to see the colors of the rainbow.. to have a conversation.. to feel understood.. to understand.. to find someone.
most times i spend this time alone.. knowing and sometimes feeling sure that i wont be understood.. i wont find anyone and mostly confirming this belief.. and sometimes i justify this belief.
for sometime i found redemption in the setting sun..and in the floating clouds.. and the wonder of nature which controlled both in perfect harmony.
for a time i found peace among the ants.. seeing them struggle and carry the huge pieces of sugar id throw upon them.
for a time i spoke to chubbix and still do.. trying hard to battle the feeling of emptiness and trying to fill the void of regret and wastage.
nowadays i go to this leprosy colony kids.. they laugh and play and i laugh and play and it eases me out.. i feel more understood and the whole of the worlds problems seem simple and insignificant. the kids enjoy my company and i enjoy theirs.
i realised that an easy way to gauge a persons intelligence and his ability to think by figuring out the thing that engages him and his mind. its simple and so far it has always worked.. if you can show me what engages you.. i can very well make out if we'd get along well.. so now my latest hobby has been to search for random but interesting things and find out if they engage anyone.. lol.. its kinda good tp.. :P
anyway i also figured out that i converse mostly to feel understood and to find a kindred whole can converse back with me at the same level and fill in my blank spaces or take me to another dimension in the same topic.. to open my door of perception and in return i open theirs at times.. now im woefully outta company to do this.. and hence its highly irritating not to find anyone to converse with.. infact im so disillusioned by crowd dat i guess ive given up on them..i mean even of the entire crowd wud do something id like..id still run away from it.. i dont believe in them.. even if they can pull of something spectacular..im rather uninterested in crowds.. so i ran way from my crowd in rourkela.. i came back to mumbai for like 4 days :D
twas quite a story how we got the tickets and all.. to put it simply..twas some eventful hostel life :P
yes back to conversations and crowds.. so now i mostly just crack sad pjs one after another disgusting myself and ppl around me.. and make myself feel miserable after a session of fake unrelished laughters n all.. the point is why.. why do i hvta talk..why is it so hard to converse without words..why is the language of understanding so one dimensional and feelingness.. why cant anyone understand my emotions or sensitives without my words.. why is art so neglected dat it is embrassing to speak of.. why is modern thought of as a junkyard and not some canvas of great emotions and wonderfully well understood feelings..why are colors and words so differently judged and so differently rated.. and the vice versa.. why isnt math or physics considered a form of expression and related to art and philosophy.. why is there a great divide between art and science and math and languages.
are they all not forms of the mind and perceptions of the world.. do they all not originate from thought?
do they not?

Read More...

Summary only...