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Pinky
i dont like to admit that i like someone, i dont admit easily to them and neither do i tell others that i like someone. when sunaina asked me to write a post about her as her birthday gift, i was confused.. i went on to think why would she want a post from me.. did she want to know what i was thought about her or did she just want someone to write about her, or did she want to be a little harder to be forgotten. well turns out she wanted a birthday gift thats all and birthday gift on her birthday from a friend.
i thought i found someone i'd like when i spoke to pinky.. she disagrees with me a lot.. i like it when someone disagrees with you, reasons it out with you, but doesnt try to change me. thats what i liked about her right in the start.. i can write stuff about how i started speakin to her n all that jazz.. but ill skip that.. i feel like writing sense.
i wanted her to like me and accept me as a friend.. to confide in me.. to let me help her.. she did, i guess but i never took it seriously.. i thought her problems were frivolous and i made jokes about them( i dint want her to think she was important to me or that i treasured the fact that she trusted me.. forgive me pinky.. forgive me) .. now i know i was wrong.. small things may not be important to me but they were to her, its because of the kind of person she is.. she believes that people are good.. that her friends are good. though i disapprove of that belief i can respect it.. its these beliefs that make her what she is. and i like her for what she is.
i remember one day i told her shes boring and keeps complaining.. she went over the roof that night.. she called me shallow, stupid and almost accused me of being a phony. i dint like that but at the end of the conversation i felt kind of happy to be the person on whom she vent out her frustration.. she dint tell me what exactly set it off.. she never does.
i guess im a friend of hers.. i never let myself belief that.. i start expecting then.. i guess im her friend because she takes me for granted.. shes rather frank with me.. that sometimes i sense notes of happiness in her tone, the kind one person feels when they are wanted.. i like to feel that happiness too.. a feeling of being wanted.. but rarely feel it.. i feel it now though.
she is a nice person, what i dont like about her is that she keeps telling me shes not capable.. she doesnt write good poetry.. says shes not good with studies.. she must believe in herself, no one will if she wont.. i will though.. i have a knack of finding talent :P
she told me about how she lost her parents even before she could tell them she loved them, i found it hard to look past the tragedy.. and the pain.. and i tried to relate her behavior and her being to the death of her parents but i was surprised to learn that she has her own identity and she has wonderful strength and courage to be herself even when she is not protected from the world. that i admire.. i often wonder how she'd be if her parents were alive.. i believe she would be just as wonderful and strong.
she laughs hysterically at the stupid things i say.. sometimes i feel a great deal of excitement and try makin her laugh more.. i sometimes feel thats my whole reason for talkin to her.. to make her laugh.. but then again i hope there is something more to all my phone bills. yes there is.. i dump my rather uninteresting talk about how i used to struggle to like and then landed up ending my struggle but stoppin to like people at all.. she listens.. gets confused.. blames me, and tells me somethings i dont remember now.. the point is i never had a problem with not liking people but sometimes i found it weird that everyone liked people.. but i dunno.. the things she said made sense to me.. i dont remember what she said though.. :(
she always get sad and hight irritated due to disappointment when she finds out that some friend whom she trusted is a phony or when some person says she writes pathetic poetry or when she is learns are her friends done some stupid thing.. its weird but i cant understand from where she gets all that strength to still expect from people and still like people and no just simply label all humans as jackasses and live with it.
she read ayn rand and liked her even though she dint agree with everything she said.. she doesnt agree that logic is the ultimate thing.. but that lets her be what she is.. its her belief system.. she stands by it even if i logically prove her wrong.. i admire that.. shes such a strongheaded person but she still makes compromises.. she chooses between what she wants and what the people who love her want, she makes sacrifices, but if she had to make the choice again she'd still choose to what she just did... its a wonderfully stable characteristic she has.. ive hardly seen her fickle minded.
she and i have shared some good moments.. some bitter ones.. but on the whole the good ones out weigh the bitter ones.. she made me special by demanding this post from me.. by showing that she wanted it from me.. i hope i made her feel special by letting her know that shes not gone unnoticed, that i respect her, that she is important to me, that she can make me happy, that i let myself be vulnerable when i speak to her, that she can hurt me.
pinky, the world sucks, but there is someone whom you can make happy, and someones waiting to make you happy.
happy birthday.
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